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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

5. Sidenote: Sex


So, eventually (or even right away) you're going to have to have an important conversation with potential boyfriends/girlfriends. Trust me, you need to. I'm speaking from experience and I am going to be completely honest about it. Men, I know sex feels better without the condom but you could get your woman pregnant and then you will have to face the reality of if you are ready to be a parent or not.

I dated someone right before the new year for about three months. We probably used a condom once. Definitely NOT a smart idea. He gave me chlamydia. For those of you who don't know what that is I've listed the following symptoms:

"In women, the bacteria first infect the cervix (structure that connects the vagina or birth canal to the uterus or womb) and/or the urethra (urine canal). Some infected women have an abnormal vaginal discharge or a burning sensation when urinating. Untreated infections can spread upward to the uterus and fallopian tubes (tubes that carry fertilized eggs from the ovaries to the uterus), causing pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). PID can be silent, or can cause symptoms such as abdominal and pelvic pain. Even if PID causes no symptoms initially, it can lead to infertility (not being able to get pregnant) and other complications later on."

"In men, some infected men have discharge from their penis or a burning sensation when urinating. Pain and swelling in one or both testicles (known as “epididymitis”) may also occur, but is less common.
Chlamydia can also infect the rectum in men and women, either through receptive anal sex, or possibly via spread from the cervix and vagina. While these infections often cause no symptoms, they can cause rectal pain, discharge, and/or bleeding (known as “proctitis”)."
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Luckily, (and thank the good lord) this is one STD that is CURABLE. I definitely learned a hard lesson as things could have been so much worse. That phone call I had to make to tell him about it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The following we week we parted ways...basically he dropped me like a bad habit and just up and quit talking to me. It hurt...I was falling for him hard.

I stayed pretty mad for awhile after that, and then unexpectedly I met someone on the Plenty of Fish (www.pof.com) who has been one of the sweetest guys I have ever talked to. Haven't met him yet but I have a very good feeling about this one and maybe (between you and me) he could be "the one".
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So, in closing if you choose to become intimate with someone please use some form of protection. Be responsible. There is always the risk of contracting a STD that could potentially ruin your life. The ones that I fear the most are herpes and HIV/Aids. I was incredibly lucky with my experience and I plan on getting tested again before I decide to have sex again.
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**STD info taken from http://www.cdc.gov/std/...very informative site. Definitely check it out!!!!! 

Monday, January 21, 2013

4. Pick me! Pick Me!

Sorry I haven't had time to post the last few days! I've been crazy busy with work and talking to a new man :). But I'll get to talking about him later in this blog, if it lasts like I'm hoping it will.

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So....the profile. I will start out with the fact that I hate talking about myself. That was the hardest part about putting together my profile.

One thing I recommend when you are putting together the "About Me" section of your profile is to not put your name. You really don't to put any identifying details on there that people can use to easily find you in the "real" world. It's a safety thing. The hardest thing about online dating is you never know exactly what you are going to get, so you need to take steps to protect yourself.

You'll want to talk about who you are as a person. Are you introverted or extroverted? Lad back or like to be in the middle of things?

Talk about your hobbies. For example, I like to write :)...a lot.

Talk about things you like to do: I like four-wheeling, hiking, trying new foods, hanging out with friends, listening to music...etc. You get  the idea.

the whole point of the profile is to catch some one's eye, so when you're composing you're "About Me', SELL YOURSELF...and I don't mean literally. Talk yourself up but remember to keep it 100% honest. The only downside to Internet dating is people can be whoever they want to be. So that six foot hunk you're been talking to could actually be 400 pounds and old. Get it?
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The other thing I wanted to talk about today, was pictures. Ladies, no revealing pictures!!! PERIOD. Put up candid shots of you that friends have taken that look like you are in your natural habitat haha. (Yes...i did just equate you to a wild animal. RAWR!) You want these photos to be as flattering as possible, but make you more "real" to possible love interests.

MEN: When I do a search, I immediately rule you out if I see pictures of you flexing your abs or trying to look like a Calvin Klein model. (Yes, I do enjoy looking at hot men, but I'm searching for love not lust.) You simply aren't approachable for me otherwise. I sincerely love it when guys have pictures of themselves with their animals, their kids (or someone else's lol either way it's cute!), or with family.

For both genders, caption your photos. I want to know the story behind that particular shot. i also love pictures of you doing one of your hobbies. I will say though for men, don't put up the pictures of the trophy buck you shot over deer season...eventually, go ahead and try to impress me with them. But I will tell you, I'm really not a fan of pictures of dead animals...sorry..just not impressed. :)

**Authors Note: This is not to say I don;t enjoy hunting because I do. The area of the USA that i live in is predominantly farmers, ranchers, and hunters.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

3. The Initial "Man Shopping" Experience

Match.com was not my first choice for dating sites.

I had originally looked at signing up for EHarmony just because I had liked that there were "29 dimensions" that they used to match you with someone. In the end though, it really came down to cost. Match had a special and I saved a little bit of money signing up for 6 months.

Thus began my journey.
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So, when you get to Match's homepage. There is window that pops up asking you what you're searching for. (I.e.: Woman searching for man, ages 23-35, and within 50 miles of my zip code). I clicked search and lo and behold, 400 some matches pop up. This was sort of fun! If I wanted to, I could further customize my search results by height, body type, marital status, ethnicity, if they smoke (Ewwwww) or drink, and education.

I decided that I wasn't going to rule someone out in regards to their education because I myself don't have a college education. (I am working on starting this year though!) What I was going to be strict about though, is they needed to be absolutely SINGLE. No separated men for me, because that to me means that I could be dropped at any time and I was not going to give that complication a chance...I was searching for Love after all.

Next, I will say that I do find it hot when a guy is taller that me and bigger than me. I'm not a super skinny girl and I would say my body type is about average, but I feel really insecure next to scrawny guys. What really turns me on is if they are kind of muscular, but not in a "I do weight-lifting for a career" sort of way.

As far as ethnicity goes, yes I'm white...but I don't really have a preference as far as what I prefer in a guy. So that one I didn't pay much attention to either.

Smokers: NOPE. No thanks. Cigarette smoke gives me migraines, and the pictures in some of these guy's profile with the cigarette hanging out of their mouth, NOT HOT AT ALL.

Drinking was OK, socially though. I don't want to date someone that needs to get drunk every night or weekend just because it's fun. (Yes it is, but when I was 21. Maturity, boys...MATURITY)

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So now, that I figured out the bare bones attributes that I wanted to look for, I inputted my credit card information and then started the next task on my list. Putting together a cool profile that would attract the men I wanted to meet.

Monday, January 14, 2013

2. The beginning.

When I signed up for an online dating profile, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I had just gotten out of a two year relationship about three months prior, and felt it was time to at least start meeting people. But before that, I did try meeting them the normal way. I swear!

The first guy I dated after my breakup, and I hate to say it, was definently a total rebound. We'll name him Z.  Z wasn't just good-looking, he was HOT! We did have quite a bit of fun, and frankly maybe that's I needed to get over my ex. It was mainly no-strings-attached hangout and sex. We did go out and drink quite a bit (Didn't expect that did ya?) Yes...SEX.

*Author's Note: I do plan on saying the word SEX. SEX SEX SEX SEX. Sex, is a normal part of the dating cycle. I will say, and be very firm about this...I don't sleep with anyone right away. I'm not easy. Okay, at least we have that clear...continue!

ANYWHO, the sex was fantastic and the fact that we were both on the same page even better...:)

Eventually about a month later, our little arrangement had run it's course and frankly I was getting kind of tired of it anyways. I'm built to be in a relationship where there's REAL feelings and REAL emotion. I really don't like feeling like a booty call.

I did go on a few more dates and whatnot (no sex involved in these ones ladies) and eventually came to the conclusion three months after my breakup that I was ready and willing to meet someone. I wanted something real and concrete that I could count on. So...almost three months to the day that my ex and I broke up...I signed up for a profile on one of the biggest online dating sites: Match.com.

Hence, the beginning of my journey.

1. Just a short intro :)

So, first things first. WELCOME!

Hopefully, you like what you read enough in this first post to come back for the next one. This is my first attempt at a blog so don't mind the "rough-draft" feel to this.

Basically, I wanted to start this blog, because I feel as if i havent seen very many specifically on the subject of online dating. I feel, especially after the last almost year and a half, that I have a lot of experience and advice to contribute.

I've learned quite a bit about what to look for, what's ok/not ok for getting-to-know-you conversation, first date prep, and what happens after. :)

Eventually I want to set up a second blog, which will go into more tips and advice on what websites to use, how to set up the ultimate (but still honest) profile, and ways to stay safe.

So, any input I get from you guys is going to be greatly appreciated. I do want to hear from you on your experiences as well, because I want to incorporate them into this blog :)

This should be fun!